In ecosystems where abusers are coddled, enabled, protected, defended, and advocated for and abuse is seen as the victims’ fault, a culture of abuse is perpetuated and prevails.
People will be “interviewed” one-by-one and the truth about what happened will be twisted as people tell their own versions without the witness of those who were attacked.
In fact, those who have been attacked by an abuser will be called into meetings where victims and survivors are not advocated for and protected, and where the abuser and/or predatory person is fiercely defended.
Excuses for the abuser’s behavior is offered on a platter of Christian platitutudes for the victim to eat off of.
This so-called “food”
is making people sick;
It matters not how much time went
into cooking it.
It matters not how it looks asthestically
upon the tables.
This type of food is
If the victim-survivor refuses to eat off the platter made by the palate of people prone to toxic dysfunction as if it were the most normal thing in the world, the victim-survivor is “victim-blamed”.
bordering spiritual abuse
“You must have an unhealed pain in your heart…you are being manipulative and manic…it’s your fault; you attacked him…the man who attacked you is a ‘Godly man’…your opinion doesn’t really matter…you’re crazy…you’re lying…The Lord told me…you’re not loving enough…don’t understand grace enough…don’t know how to show mercy…”
How utterly and horribly awful.
Conflicting, contradicting reports are given by different people–never with the one who was attacked present.
These reports are believed.
Because attackers/abusers are so-often manipulative and narcissistic—and frighteningly so—the evil done competes for the momentum.
In the end, truth wins, but it is often a journey and a battle to get there.
We are called to be empowered and tell the our own stories because we were there—we (I, perhaps you) were the ones on the receiving end of the attack of the abuser and, in my case, his abusive behaviors.
I am one of a long line of victim—survivors of this particular, narcissistic abuser.
And we, dear survivor, are the narrators of our own stories—with God as our witness.
Our testimony matters.
Our voice matters and is heard, regardless of who is saying our voices matter not.
Our voices count in the sea of testimonies ascending into the heavens—reverberating throughout the realms.
Angelic help is on the way!
Abusive ecosystems can be found in the marketplace, homes, and yes, in our churches.
Loving ourselves, and others, means standing up for ourselves when we are attacked, knowing Christ is advocating for us, even when it feels like we’re standing alone.
We are no longer slaves
No longer “doormats”
for narcissistic abusers
to walk all over
with their cleats;
kicked by their steel-tipped
We, dear victim—survivor, are never alone.
Our Father is correcting and disciplining the shepherds who say they’re here “in His Name”, yet consistently err on the side of protecting predatory people.
These shepherd/leaders are entangled in toxic relationships while claiming to be “good shepherds”.
Many claim to be “apostles” and “church planters”.
Important is it that abusers are stopped so more harm will not be done.
Important is it that those who protect and fiercely defend abusers repent and receive God’s mercy so more harm will not be suffered and systemic abuse will stop.
Important is it that victims and survivors are no longer seen as being the ones at fault for the attack and the abuse.
Victim—blaming must stop.
False accusations against the victim/survivor of abuse/ attacks must stop.
There can be no true fellowship otherwise—only “the appearance of” fellowship which is not restored fellowship at all.
When abusers are allowed to continue attacking people, churches split.
Again, this is not the victims and survivors fault.
We must look to the narcissistic ways of abusers and to those enabling them to determine the root cause of, for example, church splits.
God must do a real and authentic work in the heart that comes FROM Him, with our agreement. A transformative work that originates IN Him, BY Him, THROUGH Him, and not of self—effort, self—works, self—preservation and prayers rooted in self—ishness.
When The Father by His Spirit does the transformation, it sticks. It is sustaining.
Playing the “forgiveness, mercy, and grace” cards are merely Christian platitudes when they are played to further enable the abuser.
These ideas, which have scriptural context, are a stench in heaven when they are played to dismiss the abuse and encourage pitying abusers. They are in the category of “high—sounding nonsense”.
Narcissists are masters at getting people to feel sorry for them—to pity them. Soliciting sympathy is a game to a narcissist.
Pity is never compassion, however. Pity and feeling sorry for the narcissist/abuser is quite a different mindset and spirit than compassion and empathy.
Because the platitudes of “forgiveness, grace, and mercy” are played in order to continue to create a space for abusers to…keep abusing…when they are played in an ecosystem where abusers and predatory people are coddled, enabled, and fiercely defended, true healing never takes place.
Authentic fellowship can’t be truly restored in ecosystems where abusers are protected and defended and where abuses of all shapes and sizes are allowed to continue.
It’s a simple matter and form of deception.
And therefore, even though these attributes sound noble, worthy, even righteous and true, they are baked within a cake of deception, and therefore, considered “works that burn up” and do not stand the “test of the refiners fire”.
—excerpt from With God, All Things Are Possible: Rescued from A Handler by Corrine Jeter
June 18, 2018
Corrine Jeter is a writer, author, encourager, and educator. She taught English and Special Education in the public school system for seven years before coming home to homeschool her children. Corrine is the author of In My Mother’s Garden, Meeting My Father- A Shattered Soul Made Whole, Clara’s Choice, and many other works. Gary, Corrine, and their five children live on the coast in Texas.